|
[23 Dec 2005|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hot |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ludacris |
] |
i'm changing my lj. everyone add
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _cranes
|
|
|
[22 Dec 2005|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
i'm going to get drunk, its going to be good.
i really wish you all were here. i wish i called you back. i wish you called me back.
i have a new background, i think its gorgeous. and i'd like to hope its a real place, some secret garden for children to share.
blah.
|
|
|
[18 Dec 2005|07:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
regina spektor-the noise |
] |
i'm sitting in this shitty wooden chair, drinking apple cider from a mug that I painted myself. my breasts are falling out of my bra. i just got home from ashville. i went with my dad and sisters to visit my grampa. he's amazing. and a hypocrite. and an asshole. i love him. he got through cancer. it was in his ear, which is a really weird place to have cancer. everytime i see him, i don't know what to talk about. he doesnt care that a publisher wants to look at my work. or maybe he just doesnt know how big of a deal it is, so he can't be as excited as i want him to be.
anyway, i've found a friend, one that i really like. we went out for bagels and talked and met tye pennington together. tomorrow i'm going to invite her over to drink and decorate christmas cookies. because it doesnt feel like christmas. and that would help the mood.
anyway, all you need to know is i'm a mix of blue and green personalities. so i feel things deeply and think hard. i'm creative and empathetic, and just want someone to love me. please, please. oh! and
( 100 things i want to do before i die )
|
|
|
[13 Dec 2005|09:10pm] |
|
and how long will you stare
before i look away?
i don't wanna go
begged them to stay they're on holiday
just close the door
you can watch final four
and just fall away
sailing away just isn't right
just because you're angry
if you go
i think i might
lose it all together
and how long will we last
before we go insane?
i don't wanna
i want to live in this world, in this place. fall asleep with perfect skin,, say everything i want to say. be myself and be ok with that.
everything is making me feel like shit. why do i let things that dont matter hurt me.
|
|
| testing testing 1,2,3. motherfucker on her knees. |
[06 Dec 2005|06:15pm] |
|
i've been feeling so ughh. it doesnt feel right.
i have a stalker. he won't leave me alone. i got home the other day and there were 12 text messages from him. he professed his deep love for me. we've only hung out 3 times, and one time he just stood behind me and watched me clean my bathroom. he's fat. and thats not why i dont like him. i dont like him because he's like a fucking puppy and he's so awkward and only talks about paintball. he shows up uninvited to my house, even when i tell him i'm busy. i kicked him out of my house and AFTER THAT he texted me and told me he liked me more than anyone blahblahblahb. its giving me a weird feeling, because i have to avoid him. why can't one guy i like like me back? why do all the annoying-can't take a point-immature-never had a girlfriend- dickheads draw to me? it makes me feel really bad, i might all together stop talking to these people because i know they're going to like me. or maybe i just should stop talking. theres this really weird feeling everytime i see him in the hall, i want to walk up to him and tell him GO THE FUCK AWAY, STOP BUGGING ME. i don't care if i'm a bitch. i just want one person i love to love me and i want to get rid of all the dumb fucks on the way. i mean what do i say? sorry, jake, you piss me off so bad. you make me feel uncomfortable. i was only nice because i felt bad for you.
BLAH.
please come and stay with me. please. i need you right now. you know who you are. i don't know why i had to grab you hand those times but i did. i don't know why i fell in love with you even though i barely know you. i don't know how people can put that spell on me. i don't know why you still care, even though you know how messed up i am. i promise i'll do everything i can to make these like magic.
and i'm entering an arts competition. i hope i win money and scholarships. and get into my summer prgram. and start being nicer to my dad.
|
|
